132 Roman Soldiers in 1975
Everyone remembers these old comic ads for toy soldiers, right? I used to stare at these different ads when I was a kid, thinking how if I scraped up the cash I could totally order a set for myself and have so much fun. I never did, though, because by the time I was working odd jobs and getting an allowance I was way past any interest in toy soldiers. Star Wars, Transformers, G.I. Joe, M.A.S.K. Who had time for toy soldiers with those amazing lines available?
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I actually ordered these back in the day. Nagging my dad repeatedly works after a while. After what seemed like months of waiting but was probably just a few weeks small brown paper box arrived in the mail. It couldn’t have been more than the size of a pop tart box but about half as thick. I eyed it suspiciously when I got home from school and it was waiting for me in the dining room table. I took it to my room, with a sense of dread at its lightness. When I opened it up, there was two sets of flat, nearly 2 dimensional roman soldiers – one in dark blue and the other in yellow. They could hardly stand up by themselves since they were so narrow and the base was no wider than 1cm or so – think that part of a Sharpie pen cap that protrudes out and grips the front of your pocket. Yes, that narrow. They were made of some sort of rigid plastic. The sculpt wasn’t too bad but they were cartoonish and the scale was way off to interact with my other toy soldiers (which would have loomed over them) or anything else. It would have been like having my army men fight dwarf Greek or in this case, Roman friezes come to life.
Needless to say, they were a disappointment. That great art in the ad really sold you on the excitement of a Roman mixed Calvary and infantry charge against an enemy off camera. But the realty was some cheap toys that were non-functional and ended up going right back into the box and eventually lost to the back of the closet. The best part about the whole thing was the 3-4 week wait before receiving the order when I would gaze at the ad and imagine what epic battles I could stage with a Roman legion.