Review – “Squish” the Sogmaster and Cap’n Crunch

Do you know what the problem is with running a site like battlegrip.com? I’ll tell you what the problem is. The problem is the internet. Because when you wake up thinking about Cap’n Crunch then you post about Cap’n Crunch. And then, before you know it, you score a couple of cheap Cap’n Crunch toys on eBay.

“Squish” the Sogmaster

The evil leader of The Soggies (according to Topher’s Breakfast Cereal Character Guide), this approximately 2-inch tall plastic toy is exactly what you should expect from a cereal toy from the eighties. Basic, uninspired sculpting and no real detailed paint to speak of — I’m assuming that what we see on the toy is what’s known as “tampo” printing — the toy isn’t terrible for a cereal toy but it’s not so exciting that anyone out there needs one.

I love the silvery plastic (this guy would fit in perfectly with the Gobon I reviewed last year) of the toy, but the lack of articulation really holds the piece back as a toy. If I was really insane I’d carve this toy up with the Dremel until I had just the torso and head and then I’d mount Glyos (Onell Design) arms and legs . . . but let’s just say I won’t do that. After all, wouldn’t it be mean to hack into old Squish here?

Cap’n Crunch

Roughly the same height as Squish, the good Cap’n here doesn’t have a date stamped anywhere on his body. I’m not sure what year this toy was released, but the size and design makes me think it comes from the same era. No matter, though, because what we have here is another one-piece chunk of plastic with simple sculpting and tampo printing. I’m not sure how much of the poor quality of the printed colors is age, but this isn’t the cleanest or shiniest the Cap’n has ever been.

And what’s a real surprise is that the face is basically featureless when it comes to the sculpt; there’s a slight bump for the nose but that’s it. You know, if someone made a dozen of these and painted them in different designs it would make for a pretty goofy display. You could paint one as this old Long John Silver’s mascot, one as the McDonald’s Captain Crook* character, and even one as Captain Morgan. Yeah, that would be a silly set of toys.

Closing Thoughts

I paid around $5 for these two toys, and that wasn’t a bad price for something so simple and old. These are a couple of oddities for my display shelf, but unless you spot them at a garage sale or flea market for $1 each or so I say you can live without these. Trust me, they’re not great or exciting toys.

If you can’t help yourself and want a bundle of wacky Cap’n Crunch toys, including these two pieces, you can always take a look at Time Passages Nostagia. I’ve never ordered from this site, but $25 for a mound of cereal toy junk from the eighties and nineties doesn’t sound too bad.

And one last bit of Cap’n Crunch nonsense can be found over at X-Entertainment where you can enjoy lots of unnecessary info about Cap’n Crunch and a few of his commercials. Fun stuff!

*Affiliate link: Orders using this link earn battlegrip.com cash, which is applied to buying toys.

Philip Reed needs an army of these robot toys so that he can confuse everyone who visits the house.